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This one is for you,Dad!


I miss my teenage years when I think about my Dad. We had a pretty close relationship and it always bordered towards friendship than the traditional father-daughter roles. My brother used to comment on our close knit relation rather bitterly and often found himself an intruder when we have our ‘talks’ together. My Dad told him that this is not the case and that he is more than welcome to ‘feel welcome’ and be worthy of a friendship and kinship with his father . My brother tried to loosen up and find that level where he can be an equal to my Dad and hence to embrace that sort of closeness. Eventually he overcame that unseen distance dictated by the places in our life and surged forward to meet the ‘friend’ in my Dad, and an awesome one at that! My Brother was also the best son a Dad could ever have!

To me, the affinity to my Dad  came easily and naturally-Not sure, is it because, I was the first born or is it because I became ‘motherless’ at the early years of my life. Our Mom left us quite early on and it was just me and my brother and our ever devoted Dad to take care of us. The idea of having a ‘Mom’ was almost alien and I did not realize how important was that to shape up the concepts of Family, Marriage or being a Mom, later on in life. My Dad tried his best to not to let us feel the void of a ‘mother presence’ in our life and he held us close to his heart at all times. Our life became one interesting chapter of kinship and like mindedness and along the way we felt the barriers of him being a Dad and us being his children crumbling down. All the three of us got molded into one single entity of companionship and comfort. To me, my Dad meant strength, steadfastness and love and I am awed to say that it will never change. The lessons that he taught me about life was reflective, insightful and charged with hope, peace and love even at the time of adversities. I wonder sometimes is there anywhere in this world, a teenager lived in his or her times who was so attuned to his or her father (for that matter, his/her parents) and loved him for all that he was and a Dad loving his child back for all that the child was…An ultimate and unconditional way of acceptance and love. I don’t know. But I am happy that I have been in that place and I was lucky to have this wonderful man as my Dad, even though I was denied a Mom. Never Mind. You cannot have it all, right?

When  I left my Dad in India after marriage and came to Canada to live with my husband, needless to say, it was tough goings at first. I found myself crying every waking hour thinking about him and wishing his soothing voice on my ears saying that ‘it is going to be okay, baby’. Such a wreck I was!  I am so ashamed to think of it now after having two kids of my own…

Bless Graham Bell for inventing the Telephony! I talked to my Dad everyday and gradually found myself stable enough to act like a young woman that I was and most importantly, to be the best wife possible to my husband.  As always, my father instilled courage into my bewildered mind.

He said,  ‘You are strong, honey… strong enough to be on your own  in a foreign land by yourself.  

He said, ‘Life is good when you are receptive to accept the challenges faced on tough situations and only intent on gleaning  helpful lessons from it!’.

I reflected on his words and started acting on it. I let go of my hesitations and uncertainties and opened my arms to embrace life. That is what he told me to do, right?  After all these years, I realize, it worked! I am still on my own but now I am the center of my family- I am everything to my husband and my children… and I am strong, just like my Dad said I was. I still miss him. But I know that his path is different from mine and his love is strong enough to caress my worries away even if we both are worlds apart…

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My Dad!

                                                   

What were your reflections on life when you were a teenager and the kind of relationship that you had with your parents or specifically your Mom and Dad? Is it different now than before? Love to hear your thoughts on this…

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30 Comments

  • Reply
    Heather Monts
    20 February, 2013 at 9:15 am

    I loved this post, I am also a daddy’s girl. My dad is my number one encourage and believer in me. He always supported me in anything I did without ever a question.
    I had my mother too, but she seemed closer to my brother’s than me.
    I feel like I was very blessed to have the perfect childhood of never moving, I lived in the same house from the time I was born, till I moved out at 19.
    It’s funny you write this blog today, because I also talk to my dad daily, and last night I was just telling him how much I appreciated him always thinking I could take on the world…….. πŸ™‚

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      20 February, 2013 at 9:35 am

      Thank you Heather.. I am happy that you know exactly what I am trying to relate in this post. I truly appreciate your stopping by and your lovely comment. πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Eileen
    20 February, 2013 at 10:33 am

    What a beautiful post:) It warms my heart to read stories like this. As you know I grew up Fatherless. But I do have an amazing Step dad (I just call him Dad) He is amazing and truly helped me in all my career decisions. Here’s to Dads!

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      20 February, 2013 at 11:32 am

      Yes, here is to all wonderful Dads!!! πŸ™‚
      Momless Mom recently posted…This one is for you,Dad!My Profile

  • Reply
    Bethanne Murray
    20 February, 2013 at 12:09 pm

    Oh boy, I had a rough teenage-hood. I was the kid that rebelled against everything and anything, and fighting depression made me bitter toward my “perfect” parents, and siblings. Yet despite all that I loved both of my parents, my mom was/is a rock for me when I’m at my lowest. I didn’t realize quite what she meant to me until I nearly lost her. In my eyes, I only have her left as a family. I’ve spoken to my dad 4 times in the last year, my brother and sister and I can’t stand to be in the same room as each other. So in losing her, I was losing my last family member that I had a connection to. Luckily, she survived against all odds and our relationship is much stronger.

    *I have a few titles I am emailing to you and an image that I hope fits what you are trying to go for.*
    Bethanne Murray recently posted…Cookies and ApologiesMy Profile

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      20 February, 2013 at 12:46 pm

      Thank you for visiting and sharing your insightful thoughts on the relationship you had with your family πŸ™‚ It was great reading it. Thanks for putting up some ideas for me. I am going to wait for your email…:)
      Momless Mom recently posted…This one is for you,Dad!My Profile

  • Reply
    Adil Roshal
    20 February, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Nice post, for me my mother was everything, her support and motivation guided me, when I started to realise my Dad, his love, it was too late . He lefts me on the way. My dear Dad I failed to understand you, but now I love you and praying for you.

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      20 February, 2013 at 2:52 pm

      you are right! its too hard to understand someone’s value when they are with us. The reality of loosing them hits us very bad once they are gone. I am sure your Dad do understand what he meant to you even if he is away. Thank you for reading πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Serene Shikukeza
    20 February, 2013 at 11:26 pm

    This is a nice post Vinma. I have complete parents but I didn’t have a good relationship with my father. I am more close to my mom. I am glad that you are close to your father. It is a genuine love. When I was growing up and reached teenager days, my dad was an unreasonable strict to the point that he would insist what we should become in life. Now that I have kids on my own we don’t have good communication or even have a good conversation. I only communicate with my mom who has been so understanding to me.
    Serene Shikukeza recently posted…TLC : Elephant vs AirplaneMy Profile

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      21 February, 2013 at 8:30 am

      Serene, Thanks for your willingness to take a trip back to your teenager days and dwelling on your relationship with your parents. For some of us, such a task is really hard. But I am thankful that you decided to share it here. Thank you so much for stopping by πŸ™‚
      Momless Mom recently posted…This one is for you,Dad!My Profile

  • Reply
    Shari
    21 February, 2013 at 9:38 pm

    Hi and I enjoyed reading your post and to be honest I grew angry the more I read it because I wish I have known what it felt like to have a Dad and Mom..My Dad didn’t really pop up until I was 17 and my mom she was there but I seen her back the most..because she would leave us for our grandparents to raise us. I call my grandparents Mom and Dad..and I call my parents by their names. I have abandonment issues and even now that I am married I constantly seek divorce because I guess I’m still dealing with that feeling of need to abandon someone..When I got pregnant with my first and only child I emotionally abandon him for the first 4 months on earth and then one night I just cried while breastfeeding and I told him I’m sorry. Now, I am so over protective of him, love him so much and I refuse for anyone to keep him even for a night. In this point in my life I do not want to abandon my son..But I will and feel like abandoning everyone else. I will end here because this topic is getting emotional for me. I will follow your blog
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    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      22 February, 2013 at 7:46 am

      Shari! I felt humbled by your sincere comments! Thank you for this… It is really saddening sometimes that some of us did not have perfect or complete families. In my case, I used to focus wistfully on my friends’ families- friends who had everything in their life- like a caring Mom, strong Dad and fun-to-be-with siblings. There were times that I had anger issues against my life situation and the frustrated feeling that I could do nothing about it!Now on looking back, I realize that I have come a long way and I am able to talk about it. What I found is being angry is okay, but hiding it or not facing the truth could gave me terrible pain. I am glad that you read what I wrote here and took time to go through the chapters of your own life. yeah, Life! Its not pretty all the time…
      Momless Mom recently posted…This one is for you,Dad!My Profile

  • Reply
    Jency Serish
    21 February, 2013 at 11:34 pm

    Nice post dear. A wonderful daughter for a wonderful dad.
    I too am a person thanking Lord Almighty for my wonderful parents. They were on my side, to love me with all my plus and minus, they valued me a lot and gave me confidence and courage to face the world. Their concern for me is something i can never compare with anybody else. They gave me a wonderful friend, my brother who was another best part of my life. The years with my parents and brother were for me a life in paradise, I really miss those days a lot. I still remember my father waiting for me in the bus stop from 5 pm if I inform him that i will be reaching by 9pm, from my hostel during my college days, the same in my brother’s case also he usually reaches home from hostel by 5 am n dad stays awake from 2 am walking to the gate several times and checking whether his son is coming home. They are a rare kind of parents and I thank Lord for making me their daughter and giving me my wonderful brother. Love u DAD, MOM n CHAETA

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      22 February, 2013 at 7:50 am

      oh, that is sweet of you to share such precious moments of your life with us! I am sure we all have beautiful stories to remember when it comes to thinking of the loving parents that we are blessed with. I want my readers to just to stop and take a minute and thank the wonderful people who gave birth to them, raised them and made them into who they are today. That is something we often forget to do in our busy lives, right? Thank you for stopping by and offering your valuable comments. πŸ™‚
      Momless Mom recently posted…This one is for you,Dad!My Profile

  • Reply
    Jisha Raheesh
    22 February, 2013 at 12:00 am

    Vinma i haven’t read any of your post, i just read it right now only after i saw dhanya’s comments,out of curiosity of course.Let me say just this,that you are one of the luckiest daughter to have a father like that. I understood you are attached to your father very much,when we were room mates.Now on words i will be waiting for your posts dear..

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      22 February, 2013 at 7:52 am

      Jisha! Thanks for stopping by and reading my blog. Please know that I am very honored to have my room mate from the days in the University years back taking time to listen what I have to say πŸ™‚ I hope that I have earned a very valuable reader. And I am telling you what I tell all of my other readers, “Keep Reading”! πŸ™‚
      Momless Mom recently posted…This one is for you,Dad!My Profile

  • Reply
    Heather
    22 February, 2013 at 4:36 pm

    This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing! I’ve never been as close to my parents as I wish I was. My father and I have a solid relationship but we only talk once every couple of weeks. My biological mother and I aren’t on the best of terms but I’m working to mend that. It’s important to me to have close, loving relationships with my children.
    Visiting from SITS : )
    Heather recently posted…How to Comment on a Blog PostMy Profile

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      22 February, 2013 at 5:15 pm

      Thank you for stopping by and your valuable words. I completely agree with you that it is very important to have a loving relationship with our kids. Always I think, I am not loving them enough.. and I always want to give more.. I am amazed at the capacity of love that I have for my kids…

  • Reply
    Shainee
    24 February, 2013 at 3:02 pm

    your father’s smile can light up the whole world . your article brought tears to my eyes. I am leaving my parents too after marriage this year πŸ™ I am already missing them . I dont know how i ll live without them and start my own family. πŸ™

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      24 February, 2013 at 7:31 pm

      Congratulations on your upcoming wedding dear! I am so happy for you. I know it is heart breaking to leave your parents but I have done exactly that and realize the pain that you are experiencing. But its the norm of life or rather the way of life. changes are inevitable and thriving in them can only nourish you. Have a good life! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Kelly Blackwell
    24 February, 2013 at 7:06 pm

    That was beautiful. I am glad that you and your brother have such a wonderful father. It is not easy to be the only parent. It sounds like your father is quite exceptional. My life as a teenager is reflective of a very different experience than yours. At 15 I was moved 3000 miles away from both parents and lived with my brother and his wife. The fragile closeness I had developed with my dad as a teen after my parents divorce was strained at best after this move. We just had no time together. However, this was a time that I began to draw closer to my heavenly father. The need in my heart and life brought me closer to him. My father and I are quite close now. I love him a great deal as I do my mom. We are very close, but definitely not as close as I am with my son. Who knows though what will happen when he gets older and moves on to his own place in this world. I loved reading your post as always. Have a blessed day!
    Kelly Blackwell recently posted…Some Weeks You Just Run Around Like a Chicken with their head…well, you knowMy Profile

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      24 February, 2013 at 7:34 pm

      Always happy to hear from you Kelly and I appreciate the readiness with which you shared your thoughts on your parents. I agree with you when you mention your closeness with your son.. Its the same with me too.. I cannot imagine being away from my kids.. I thank God for blessing me with them.. πŸ™‚
      Momless Mom recently posted…This one is for you,Dad!My Profile

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    26 February, 2013 at 4:50 pm

    Hi, I loved this post! It sounds like your Dad is wonderful! I wish I could have had a good relationship with my own Dad but he left our family when I was only 3 years old. I only got to visit with him a few more times before he died when I was 11 years old. I think that at the very end, he did want me to know that he loved me and that is what I hold on to now. I am thankful that I have a wonderful Mom though who took on the responsibility and brought me up right! πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Jessica
    26 February, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    You are so blessed to have such a wonderful relationship with your dad! I’ve always wanted that, but unfortunately, he has his issues. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a wonderful person and loves me and my family like crazy…we just never had that daddy’s girl relationship. I can go for months without speaking to him. It makes me sad, but I’ve accepted it.

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      27 February, 2013 at 3:14 pm

      Jessica! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on your relationship with your Dad! I realize how you feel about it. Please know that I greatly appreciate you stopping by πŸ™‚

  • Reply
    Anita Breeze
    26 February, 2013 at 8:42 pm

    This is such a beautiful blog post. I remember my teenage years as being alienated from my father as he worked for months on end in another city. Whenever he came home, we were under strict orders to give him space and not bother him. Still, I love him and know he would do anything for me. But I am envious of what you describe here.
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  • Reply
    Georgy M. Mathew
    14 March, 2013 at 12:04 pm

    Hi Vinma

    I am not sure you remember me, I saw you last when you were on the way to Canada at the Bangalore International Airport.

    Today I was chatting with your dad on FB and he told me about your blog. I know your dad very well and really am proud of him as he stood by you both, so that you and your brother could be on your own.

    You can say he is one of the best human being I have met, We have lot of debates and it is a real fun to be with him.

    Good to know about your blog, Maybe all these incidents and writings could be published some day and could bag a Booker prize or something similar. Go for it Vinma. You need to show the world how you grew up and confronted all your challenges in life to become a MoMlessMoM with a successful career ahead. Great work. This could be an example for other children and youngsters who need confidence and positive thoughts. Your website could also be instrumental and be a guiding light to similar girl children who live with single parents(especially dad) as single parenting is becoming more common in today’s world due to natural and forced circumstances. This could be the help you could give to the next generation.

    • Reply
      Momless Mom
      14 March, 2013 at 8:42 pm

      Of course I remember my Dad’s friend and also fully recollect the day we met at Bangalore πŸ™‚ Thank you for stopping by my page and taking time to comment. I really do appreciate that. Please do keep reading. When people who know me personally keeps coming back to read what I have to say.. you know, that is a really heady feeling. Thanks for giving me that opportunity. Yes, I am really proud of my Dad and always value what he has done for us kids.

  • Reply
    Life’s Simple Pleasures
    28 May, 2013 at 6:56 am

    […] remember my enthusiasm those days when my Dad comes home after a busy day at work. I would start dancing all around him with excitement. My Dad […]

  • Reply
    Michelle
    12 June, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    This is such a lovely post Vinma! I was close to my father growing up but he was not around much due to his work schedule…he traveled like 6 months out of the year and would not come home for weeks on end. I missed him terribly.
    Michelle recently posted…Decorate Your Home with Photos! {WeMontage Photo Wallpaper Giveaway}My Profile

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