My year long maternity leave is coming to an end tomorrow! This put a stop to my days as a SAHM and the beginning of my life as a Working Mom, second time around. I am still surprised at the pace with which the months flew by me this past year and I wish I could slow the time down a bit, and freeze the moment a bit longer, to spend with my kids. But who am I kidding?
So, tomorrow, I will welcome the reality- this includes, getting out of my PJ’s, pack up my kids first thing in the morning for their respective locations to spend the day without Mommy, prepare my lunch, eat breakfast lingering at the foyer and rush out like a wind to my car to dash off to the office where I will spend the next eight hours! Wow, sounds horrible! Does it not?
I remember, last time when I was about to return to work I confronted the same roller coaster emotions in my mind. I was panicky and jumpy. I hugged my son with tears streaming all over my face before leaving for work, the very first day. My Mother- in- law was baby sitting Kevin and she was more than happy to do it. For her, the grand children meant ‘happiness’, period. There was nothing else that could bring her so much joy. I knew my baby will be safe in her hands. Yes, it was not all that bad. This time, Kevin will be spending majority of his time in playschool and it will be Krista, who is going to be full time spending time with her Ammachi (means ‘Grandma’ in our mother tongue). I am blessed to have such great Grand Parents in my children’s life! And my Mother-in- law is a great lady, a good mother and a positive and wonderful shade of Motherhood. After witnessing darker shades in the persona of my own Mother, all I can see in my Mom-in-law is the glow of love which surpasses all selfishness and loveless ness. I am not praising my Mom-in-law just because she takes care of my children in my absence. Over the years, I have seen her interactions with life and I have learnt my lessons from her as well. But I will leave that subject to another day- to explore and ponder and to adore and cherish.
Coming back to our topic at hand, you understand no one can replace a Mom, right? And I have gone through the experience of not having a Mom and the hardships it brought me. For me, when I am away from my children, I feel like, I am walking in the foot steps of my own Mom, the one who left me- that I am also abandoning my children in some way when they need me the most. But I know in my heart that it is not true and the circumstance that I am in is drastically different from what my Mom was in when it came to abandonment. My Mom had a choice of staying with me and my brother and she did not take it. She put her happiness first before she considered her kids’ wellbeing and security. But I am doing this is to ensure a good future for my family and the financial stability that my job would bring. These days I am constantly finding theories and reasonings to back my endeavor of going back to work. But that is just as well.
Sometimes, we end up doing things that we don’t want to just because it is good for us and that we know it for a fact. Go Figure! And I will stop there.
On another note, I am kind of excited as well to go back out to the real world where I get to see adults (finally) and interact with them using ‘normal’ talking (any idea what I mean here?) which would be a great change after a year of ‘mommy talking’.
Also, what is your experience with different shades of Motherhood, or Womanhood for that matter? Have you come across remarkable women from various walks of life that occasionally made you stop and think about them…? Making you marvel…hmm…she is an amazing woman or wow…she is very generous or look at her, how selfless she is? I would love to know who you met. Or who you praised for their unconditional love and compassion? Its women like them we have to celebrate on days like ‘International Women’s Day and each and everyday of our life…
Shout out for those women here so that the world might know them…