Mothers Day is almost here.
These days I read a lot about Moms, their love for their children, how blessed life is when they are around etc. Hard I may try not to think of my own Mom, this time of year it’s kinda difficult not to with Mom stories floating around a little too much…Maybe life has a way of making you deal with the very thoughts and memories you want to avoid.
Like Moms and Mothers days... (How ironic, right? Being my blog itself is for Moms and all. Life is strange sometimes)
It’s been 30 years since mine left me.
The wounds are still fresh. Still new. As if it all happened yesterday.
I still haven’t finished mourning my estranged Mom.
Probably I never will. Granted, I do not have too many memories of her but the ones I have are etched in my soul.
Memories of love. Memories of abandonment. It is a good mix that contributes to a long-standing reservoir of painful reminiscence – year after year. On Mothers day and every day.
Today, I am a Mom to my wonderful children. I see myself in them. But I try hard not to see my Mom in me. Because if I do, I may falter. To me, it brings despair. Grief. Failure in keeping the promises made. Abandonment. Agony…the list goes on.
But there is this one promise made when I held my newborn in my arms, the very first time. That I will never forsake him. That I will never leave him to fend for himself.
I will not let him wonder whatever happened to his Mom by being absent from his life.
I will always be close to him.
Two kids and eight years of Motherhood later, my promise is still strong. My heart is overwhelmed with the love for my children. The void in it left by the separation of my own Mom is slowly filling up with hope. And it feels great!
I realise Mothers Day for me doesn’t have to be a day of darkness..as it’s been for many number of years.
It could be bright. And happy. A day that is spent with the pieces of my own heart. The ones who knows how my heart beats from the inside…